Tuesday, April 03, 2007

I ORDER you to bring me a cheeseburger!

Often times I've thought that our use of the English language is somewhat strange. One of the words that immediately comes to mind is the word "order". It is often used in the military. A higher ranking officer orders a lower ranking officer to do something such as, "I order you to fire that missile into the enemy camp!", or "I am ordering you to run 8 miles with 70 pounds of gear on!" Orders always seem to be accompanied by exclamation points because usually orders are given to someone that doesn't necessarily want to do something.

What makes me laugh is when we use the word order at restaurants. You pull up to McDonald's and the drive through guy says, "Can I take your order please?" Most of us aren't used to giving orders and so we say something like "Yes, I'd like a cheeseburger please." I think next time I pull up to a drive through I'm going to say, "Yes, I ORDER you to get me a cheeseburger meal!" (Note the exclamation point.) When he asks if I would like to super size it, I'm going to say, "I am ORDERING you to super size it!"

What do you think the waitress at Applebees would say if you said, "I ORDER you to bring me the grilled chicken wrap!" What is she, your slave? Slaves were given orders weren't they? Are the hardworking college kids and single moms working at restaurants......slaves?? After all, we give them orders. If they do well, and the food that they had nothing to do with making comes out well, we give them money. This money is used to provide them with food and shelter, right? Didn't slaves get food and shelter when they obeyed orders?

Shouldn't we tip the cooks? After all, the server doesn't have anything to do with how the food tastes. She relays a message to the cook who prepares your food how you asked for it. I guess the servers are kind of middlemen, aren't they? Maybe if we just told the cook directly how we would like our food, our orders wouldn't get lost in translation. I'm not trying to pick on servers, after all, I think they are some of the hardest workers out there. For people that have office jobs and are used to sitting all day long, try running around a restaurant for 8 hours sometime.

I'm going to end this story like most comics end their shows at comedy clubs. Don't forget to tip your servers and tip them well. After all, you may be taking their ORDER someday!

No comments: